The Good and the Bad of Climbing Commercials

The common metaphor among a lot of these commercials is pretty obvious—overcome and conquer something extreme for relief from your banker. It is also pretty clear that most of the producers never talked to a climber while shooting some these commercials, but I’ll let you be the judge.

Wiser’s Climbing Commercial

Two words: Triangular trauma.

Bundaberg Ginger Beer

Olympia Beer

Coors Light Commercial 1

Coors Light Commercial 2 Ice Cube

Titan Watches

Mammut Fiesty Old Lady Commercial

Not sure if this is a real commercial for Mammut or not, but I secretly hope it is. Mary Woodbridge and her dog daisy train around her home and the hills of England, preparing for an ascent of Mount Everest. Don’t worry, she hates camping so she is planning on skipping Camps I-IV and going straight to the summit.

Miller Lite Unmanly Things

Good thing I climb so when I choose a beer that isn’t a Miller Lite I’ll still be nice and manly.

Citi Bank Spoof – Libero Diaper Commercial

Libero Diapers spoofs Citi Bank’s Moab commercial and replaces Katie Brown and Alex Honnold with an adorable baby. Obviously the baby isn’t wearing a harness because that would cause terrible chafing.

Citi Bank Commercial with Alex Honnold and Katie Brown

While the majority of the non-climbing world thinks this commercial is fake, I think most climbers realize the only thing fake is the indication that Katie Brown and Alex Honnold are dating..

Blue Cross Blue Shield Commercial

How many times has this happened to you?

Mad Rock Commercial

Service Experts

Nothing about this guy is “expert.”

Marines

If anyone hasn’t seen this commercial yet, you probably don’t watch TV. I feel like I’m rewatching Tom Cruise’s opening scene in Mission Impossible 2, but with lots of military propaganda. I’m not sure which version is better.

VISA Card

I’m guessing this is what inspired CITI bank to do their Moab commercial. Hopefully most climbers are braver than this.

Old Spice Foreign Commercial

I have no clue what this guy is saying, but I’ll ignore the fact he is wearing a harness with draws while free soloeing. I think all climbers know that chalk works better than deodorant to prevent sweaty hands. After watching this, I threw out all my deodorant and started chalking up my pits.

Credit Counseling

The best part about this generic use of climbing as a metaphor commercial is that it actually has the placeholder ads, making it universal enough to use for any credit counseling company.

Old Raisin Bran Commercial

I have no idea what this commercial has to do with raisin bran, or climbing but lederhosen is really cool. Still don’t know why the young boy is screaming “how many raisins in Post raisin bran?”

Doritos Commercial

This commercial competed in the Doritos Crash the Super Bowl contest but didn’t make the top 5, so it wasn’t aired as a Super Bowl commercial. I would like to note that at the end, the ATC disappears when the climber falls. Not sure how this happens but still a funny commercial.

Doritos Alternative Ending

Otter Box with 5.10

Otter Box features 5.10 in this commercial which has over one million views. Suddenly, the climber’s iPhone falls out of his pocket and crashes down the rock face. Normally, this would be the end of your iPhone’s life but with the extra purchase of an Otter Box your phone will be saved! Or you can just leave your phone in your bag, but this is way cooler.

Investic Private Bank

So we have a climber free soloing up a waterfall wearing a harness with draws. Suddenly he reaches the top where a rope magically appears. He is then tied to the rope and proceeds to jump off the waterfall. Somehow he the laws of physics don’t apply here because he cuts the rope before it is taught which somehow launches him horizontally into a hidden cave.

Inhale Life Tobacco Free

This commercial emphasizes the climbers breathing, which is seen as pure and smoke-free as she climbs up without any hacking or coughing.

Subaru

CIB Bank

Yes life is hard, but that does not mean I would trust CIB bank as my spotter/belayer.

Walgreens Mountaineering

Adidas Impossible is Nothing

This is a sad advert because Rob Gauntlett passed away in 2009 while ice climbing at Chamonix. He did summit Mt. Everest and is the youngest British person to do so.

Licorice Climbing Commercial

Carlsberg Everest

Ernie Kovacs Dutch Masters Cigars

I guess all old commercials with climbing in them include lederhosen. Ernie Kovacs prioritizes what is most important in life when he choose the Dutch Cigar over a helping hand.

Izusu 1st African to Climb Everest

The best part is when the guy in the funny sweater is pouring hot coffee from a thermos into a cup, while driving up the mountain. In real life, he would have third degree burns all over his crotch.

Penn State Student Book Store

Fake snow flurries, fake climbing techniques, and someone falling to their death are essential when making “high quality” commercials.

Grape Nuts

I honestly don’t know what’s harder; climbing Everest or eating an entire bowl of Grape Nuts.

Duracell Pink Bunnies

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2 Comments

  • Bear Spray says:

    You forgot the king of all lame climbing commercials
    Degree Men Masters of Movement – Bear Grylls
    http://youtu.be/GlNJWZ0mlLU

  • Beer Spray says:

    That Olympia commercial is pretty funny. The Crooked River, which runs through Smith Rock, is really polluted from all of the agricultural runoff in the area. I wouldn’t even swim in it. After he starts rappelling they zoom out to show him on Ship Rock, a central feature at Smith, and also a gigantic pile of choss that hasn’t been climbed in at least 40 years.

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